I knew I wanted to write, but I didn’t know what writing would be and what genre I would call mine. My journey to find myself isn’t over, but I found my happily ever after in space.
R.I.P. To The Names I Wore
When I decided to legally change my name, I tested the waters with a few. I thought about who I was and what kind of artist I was. I knew I had to think it through because it would be the name I would wear for the rest of my life.
The thing is, we don’t know what we want. We only know what we don’t want. Doing the test of changing names and seeing it staring back at me when written on social media helped. I could scratch some and keep some.
But one thing is sure: Alexa Wayne and A.D. Wayne are dead. That side of me doesn’t exist any longer. She is gone and buried six feet under. An iron cage above the tomb prevents her from rising again.
She helped me get to where I am, but she carries things I do not wish to drag anymore. The heaviness of the past is too heavy on my shoulders and breaks my heart.
The Voices Disappeared
When I started writing as a vampire novelist, I released novels under the name I buried. Those voices spoke loudly and haunted my dreams. They were a part of me talking to me. They gave me a life I never thought I would have.
Vampires, monsters, paranormal and darkness were the subjects I wrote about and created stories from. I loved every part until it slowly became harder to write and eventually harder to breathe. My love for the subject was alive, but the voices that once were shouting were now mumbling.
The people around me came and went, and some remained but not without leaving scars. I am not perfect and never claimed to be. The artist I was just wasn’t anymore. I am fighting to keep my head above water, and the voices have left me for the first time in my life.
Without the voices, I am nothing but a mere reflection of myself in the mirror. I don’t see a path for me to take. I don’t see a hole for me to follow the white rabbit to wonderland. I don’t see the yellow brick road. Where am I to go? Wait…every example I gave they are some shape or form of a fairy tale.
Listen To Your Heart When It’s Calling For You
The voices that vanished perhaps were expelled by my heart to let new voices in. I felt a change within me. I wasn’t drowning; I just had to not keep my head above water because I grew a tail to swim. Scars left behind are just jewelry we permanently wear. I am not perfect because I am not meant to be. I am told to find my fairy tale.
For the last two years, I was hurt, in much pain, and trying to understand the lesson I had to learn. There was no real lesson, only a time for me to cocoon to eventually emerge stronger and metamorphosed.
The voices stopped, and new ones slipped in. I just didn’t listen. I didn’t know what to do, so I cried and thought it was a defeat when it was a gift.
Finding the courage to accept our safe place crumbled down is hard. I was besieged by my own heart. It saw what I didn’t see…an opportunity. It knew I was in much pain, and it was time to change. The reflection in the mirror didn’t match who I was becoming. I was changing but didn’t realize it.
I knew something inside me wasn’t the same, but I didn’t know what and why. I thought it was a nightmare growing from within because change is scary. Walking away from toxicity is challenging and requires much strength I doubted I had. But I finally saw it.
There Is A Spark In My Eye
I’ve spent most of my life hoping that I would become an author and live experiences I never thought possible. My mind was in knots, stuck in a confined space without hope for me to shine.
But what if my heart found a way to let light in? Perhaps it shows my thoughts how to untie? What if now who I used to be is no longer in my way, and my mind is mine? Would I be okay?
I let in a smile, and a spark was left in my eye when I stared at the horizon. An idea for a story finally bloomed like the reddest rose and had me stop for a moment for the first time in my life.
Is this how life is meant to be? Out there in my dreams is where I’ll find the me I want. I’ll make it happen with that spark in my eye and one rose that bloomed.
There are so many roads that aren’t paths yet. People come and go, but I know who my friends are now. Adventures await; I’m ready to take the paths nobody ever took.
There are mysteries I am ready to see and work with and mistakes I don’t have to regret. I have much to see and yet to become and write stories. I have a whole life’s worth of words before writing the ultimate ‘the end’ because, in truth, it never ends.
A Fairy Tale To Tell
The new voices in my head lighted a spark in my eye, wrote a song for my heart, and ignited my soul. I might not walk as far as I used to know, but I haven’t a care. Stories bloom and roses multiply into a garden as far as the horizon reaches. I am born again from ashes with a story to tell.
For the first time in forever, a smile grows on my face and has me dancing on air. The voices sing a song I have known all my life. It starts with Once Upon A Time and ends with They Lived Happily Ever After…what if it’s me out there? With a new name and a smile on my face, and a spark in my eye. Don’t I owe myself to find myself out there and write all the stories the voices tell?
There are stories for everyone but mine that sang along. I thought I signed my voice away, but the contract broke, and it came back to me with a new melody. If I listen carefully, I hear all the stories. Fairy Tales never left me; I just gave up on them, but they never gave up on me.
The stories that inspired me all my life are now mine to retell and create something new that will shine through. My mind is not in knots and doesn’t hurt. I just have to write the words. I must trust in myself as much as those fairy tales trust me.
Show Yourself To Me
My name is Mèrida Lyon, and it wasn’t that long ago that I was reborn. I left my cocoon and grew wings like a fairy godmother. I’ll come to readers in need of a fairy tale. I’ll grant them a wish for a new story to read. I’ll do the very best I can to give a voice to the words I’ll write.
My first adventure brings me deep into the Faraway Kingdoms of Once Upon A Time. Stories with castles and women turned into princesses fighting evil.
So many fairy tales are forgotten, and I’m bringing them back to life with a new voice to shine.
My name is Lexie Wayne, and I hope you will love what I write and who I have become. Many doors closed, but all I needed was one window to let the light shine through. My mind is ready, and my heart is singing. Let’s do this.
The Fairy Author,